My parents came to the UK from India in the 1950’s for a new life. They were newly-wed and when I came along a year later, my father received a telegram from my grandfather in India with the message “Congrats on the birth of your daughter, better luck next time!” A year later, my brother was born. 

I spent most of my early years trying to prove to my parents and everyone else that I was as good as my brother and any other boy; I got better exam results at school, I was the first to drive a car and to go to University. After 3 great years at Uni, my friends wanted me to join them on a gap year and Inter-rail around Europe. But I couldn’t stop, I was in too much of a hurry to get a good job. I wanted it all and I wanted it fast!

If you met me in my 30s you would probably have said that I had it all - I had a job that I was good at, a house I loved and a young family. But as I got older, I found that the stress and responsibilities kept piling up. As well as having a high-pressured job with long hours and even longer lists of things I needed to get done, I was also responsible for the child-rearing and home-making duties that having my own family involved. As time went on, not only did I want to have it all, I needed to be the best at having it all. If I look back at that time now and what I made myself go through to meet the impossibly high expectations I had for myself, I wonder where that need came from...was it the society of the 80s that I started my career in? The media? That telegram? Had I been trying to prove a point all this time? 

As I hit my 40s, I started to realise the cost of trying to have it all. I lost precious time with my parents who both passed away prematurely within 2 years of each other and my daughters were quickly growing up and becoming more and more distant from me. Menopause hit me hard and my performance at work started to suffer, I no longer felt that intoxicating “buzz” from sitting in interminable meetings discussing the unimportant details of things that no longer seemed to matter. My life was spinning out of control. I realised that in trying to be the perfect wife, mother, career-woman and homemaker, I was defining myself by what I did for other people rather than what I did for myself. I was losing sight of myself and what it means to be me!

So I took some time out and tried to work out what was important to me. I spent time reconnecting with the things I enjoyed the most; my family, friends, spending time in nature, and reconnecting with the traditions and customs of my parents. I started myself on a journey of eating better and exercising more and found ways to handle “The Change” that my body was going through. At times it seemed impossible and I found myself slipping back into old habits, but every time I reminded myself why I needed to do things differently and managed to reset and start again. 

Now I’m in my 50s and I’m starting to understand that being a woman is about learning how to be strong despite the things that make you feel weak; to be loving and nurturing towards others whilst not forgetting to care for yourself. To be determined enough to achieve your goals, whilst also supporting and empowering your loved ones to achieve theirs and being kind to others while not forgetting to be kind to yourself. 

Women are at the centre of The Naturality Lab and after going through so many difficult experiences, both physically and mentally, without much help, I want to encourage women like me to feel like their voices and opinions matter. You are not invisible and you are not alone. 

I wanted to highlight, with a small look into my life, that the mental pressures and expectations we put on ourselves to be perfect all the time can have cruel detriments to our own lives and happiness. That’s why we are not just focusing on physical health this month, but also the importance of self-care and self-love. I hope that this month can help you with your health and wellness journey and, if you don’t mind, I’d like to end this blog with a small message to my daughters.

The best advice that I could give you is to forget about being better than anyone else. Be the best you can be, by being who you are.